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The Darksiders II Opera – Death’s Lament

April 14, 2013

This is the dumbest thing

Inspired by Darksiders II and my lack of compulsion to figure out a boss battle therein.

The choreography is wonderful, but the fight scenes do drag on

Chorus:

Riding, riding, he’s dark rider

Exciting scything, he’s a Darksider

 

*A grey, trembling nothingness*

 

Chorus:

And lo and behold, pathetic humanoid

The bleak and meaningless endless void

The face of life and love destroyed

And from this swamp, they spill

There’s War, he’ll make the soldiers scurry

Watch your step, cos here comes Fury

Strife’s here, forget about your worry

*A single, distinguished voice, as a lone horserider charges past*

Death:

And me, I’m Death: I kill!

 

*Death wades into a sea of enemies*

Lizards, rockmen, corrupted insects

I dodge their damage, drill their defects

Bosses and hosses, smacked down with impunity

In matters of death, I’m equal opportunity

 

*A ghostly jury manifests*

Chorus:

Oh War, what you have done will echo through the ages

All the Nephilim, consigned to history pages

War deceives, and War destroys, and War downright deranges

But War–

Death:

Stop, he’s innocent!

Chorus: *unperturbed*

War never changes

 

Death: *continues to angrily plow through enemies*

Clash, slash

Jump, thump

Creep, crawl, climb, and dive

This sorry apocalypse

Rewinds when I stop all this

And get out alive

 

*Death stops, exhausted*

But what am I if I am death?

A mere construct or concept?

Or a harbinger true

Of a destiny due

Those who feel my frosty breath?

Will I forever reap and sow?

And if I will, I ask, why so?

When I die I arise

So life holds no surprises

Or tension or reasons to grow

 

*He arrives at a giant platforming puzzle and gleefully parkours his way around*

Wall run, wall run

This is so much more fun

Than thwacking things with weapons

The joy it never lessens!

From ledge, across gap

All over the map

But the fun can never last

Chorus:

Poor Death has been typecast!

 

Death: *throws down his scythes*

I’ve the grace of a dancer

The voice of a bard

So why’s my only answer

To hit things really hard?

If I could just escape from here

I could enrol in law enforcement

Or give my favourite brand of beer

A horseman’s own endorsement

I could find simple enjoyment

In raising sheer, or cattle

Or join the ranks of self-employment

And be my own boss battle!

I could summon spectral horses

Teach children how to ride

But some dark celestial forces

Have damned me to the Darkside

So…

 

*He picks up his weapons, and strides into a new wave of enemies*

 

Chorus:

Riding, riding, he’s a dark rider

Exciting scything, he’s a Darksider!

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