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Sys.Kel & E:\Bert

May 9, 2011

He's even wearing the silly caps directors wear.

Every once in a while, I have the best idea. This is not that a while.


Games At The Movies

Call of Duty: The Movie

“Noteworthy. Insofar as, I made a note. It says “ARGGHHGH”, then becomes increasingly illegible over the course of four pages, and then there’s a drawing of a building on fire with lots of little stickmen and women jumping from the windows: *” – Newspaper Accusator

“The first explosion was good. The second was okay, the third was awesome. The forty-fifth was pretty nice. The five hundreds were all fairly good. Everything else was rubbish: *” – Movies Akimbo

“As Soap MacTavish, Orlando Bloom does what he can with a limp script, a dire plot, a crap cast and his complete lack of talent: *” – The Drumbeat

Crysis: The Movie

“The cinematography is remarkable. What remark is up to you: N/A” – The Village Scream

“Vinnie Jones was well-nanosuited for his role as Psycho. Janet Street-Porter less so as Prophet: *” – The Codependent

“You’ll WANT to see Nomad beat up the Koreans. But you can’t, because he’s invisible. And there’s… the aliens now? I guess? And… wait, I’m lost: *” – Puffin’s Town Host

Dragon Age: The Movie

“Lord of the Rings meets a slapstick disaster on a blood capsule production line: ****” – The Inquisitor

“Darkspawn? More like Dorks’ Porn, amirite? Snigger: *” – The Moon

“Though a brave choice, action fantasy wasn’t the best genre for a mute leading role: C+” – Jimmy Crits

Mass Effect: The Movie

“Sam Worthington is spectacular as Commander Shepard: ***” – Daily Affront

“Worthington excels: gruff, yet manfully sensitive: ****” – Opinions Thrice

“KICK IT TO BITS. SHEPARD’S A GIRL NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY. A SASSY RED HAIRED GIRL WHO HEADBUTTS KROGANS: NO STARS” – Gaming Prerogative

Minesweeper: The Movie

“Disturbingly racist” – Loughskeepie Tribune II

“A pointed (and clicked) attack on everything and everyone: **” – Total Apiarist

“I was glued to the screen, until the usher pried me down with a stick: *” – Liffey Gabber

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