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First Draft

May 6, 2011

"That's not how biology works."

Before the edit, after the jump.


“I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it. Feel free to disagree any time here, Charley.”

– Marlon Brando, On The Waterfront

 “What we’ve got here…is failure to communicate. We’ll never win this game of charades now.”

– Strother Martin, Cool Hand Luke

“…You talkin’ to me? Well, I’m the only one here. And frankly, I’m not much of a conversationalist. Socially awkward. Which would explain my being alone, if you think about it.”

– Robert De Niro, Taxi Driver

“I love the smell of napalm in the morning…Smells like barbecue.”

– Robert Duvall, Apocalypse Now

“There’s no crying in baseball! It’s in the rulebook. Section 3.a (ii). You haven’t read it? Oh, for the love of– Look, Bob, bring out the rulebook, would ya? We got a cryer. Again.”

– Tom Hanks, A League of Their Own

“You can’t handle the truth! It’s an abstract noun. It’s impossible, damn you.”

– Jack Nicholson, A Few Good Men

“It’s not a tumor! No, wait. Yes it is.”

– Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kindergarten Cop

“But I’m funny how? I mean, funny like I’m a clown? I amuse you? If you could just write down what it was that you found funny… I’m kinda working on a stand-up show, so if I could just, you know, narrow down what was funny there. What? No, no, I’m not… No, it won’t be very good, c’mon, you’re just saying that. Hmm? Oh! Yeah, of course you can come.”

– Joe Pesci, Goodfellas

“There are two types of people in this world: those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don’t. And then there are the ones who like Sweet Caroline, and I’m A Believer, and Solitary Man, but none of the more cheesy stuff. So I suppose there are three types of people. Three.”

– Bill Murray, What About Bob?

“I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I’m all out of bubble gum. And I came into this bank to withdraw some money to pay for some bubblegum, but then I remembered that the store is all out of my favourite brand, and it’s just… No other brand has the right consistency of flavour, I guess. So by process of elimination, it’s just ass kicking that’s left on that to-do list that I mentioned before. Short list, I know. Two very unrelated items. But here we are.”

– Rowdy Roddy Piper, They Live

“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. That, and convincing me that Pay It Forward was a good idea. Christ almighty.”

– Kevin Spacey, The Usual Suspects (and yes, I know PiF was made five years later. Shut up – Ed)

“Aren’t you a little short for a Stormtrooper?”

“No, ma’am. My legs were severed below the knees while rescuing some infants from an orphanage that was set ablaze during a Rebel raid. My only regret is that I couldn’t save their sister too. (beat) Nah, I’m just kiddin’, I’m Luke Skywalker, I’m here to rescue you.”

– Carrie Fisher & Mark Hamill, Star Wars

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